My mind rushes and my thoughts collide. Then I fixate. My mind fixates on the only thing that it could fixate on. I try to purge the thoughts out of my head but it is pointless. I ask myself the same question that I have been asking for days but I know that the answer is never.

A cup of tea will do. So I flick on the kettle and the switch glows, illuminating the red plastic that surrounds it. I open the cupboard above the kettle and get out two white cups. The cups have a purple floral pattern printed on them. I think they are tulips. What am I doing? I only need the one. I put the spare back in the cupboard. I open the other cupboard. I pick up the tin with the tea bags in, grab one and place it in my cup. Next I pick out the sugar. I open a drawer, grab a spoon and scoop two spoonfuls into my cup. I’ve got a bit of a sweet tooth. I wait and the kettle boils. The steam rises and the water bubbles; I’m in no rush so I let the water settle until it is completely still. It becomes still so I pour the water into my cup. I watch as the tea slowly permeates the water. I can see a brown swirl travelling around the cup. I turn my back on the cup and wait.

Milk with two sugars. I sit down. The seat opposite me is empty. I make sure to put a coaster on the table before I put my cup down. My thoughts start to collide again. Then I fixate. My thoughts persist but they have no presence. Then the same question arises. When are we going to be together? Never. I know the answer is never.



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